Obama Signs Greatest Anti-Tobacco Bill Ever... that Sucks
Trying to find humor and wisdom in a mad mad world
Obama Signs Greatest Anti-Tobacco Bill Ever... that Sucks
Categories: Politics, Commentary, 51 wordsSend feedback •Obama passed legislation that will grant FDA greater power over regulating cigarettes. Kinda forgot to make nicotine, that addictive drug that companies put in cigarettes that makes people dependent on cigarettes.
Maybe if drug pushers put nicotine in cocaine or marijuana, those drugs would be deemed kosher by the Federal Government.
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Keebler Recalls Cookies
Categories: Humor, Commentary, 259 wordsSend feedback •PHILADELPHIA, PA – Keebler officials announced today that they were pulling some brands of their Keebler cookies off the shelves due to e-coli contamination. The CDC is tracking approximately 52 cases in 12 states, mostly in the southeast, which have required hospitalization due to exposure to e-coli.
Keebler was established by Godfrey Keebler in the 1850’s. Oddly enough, the man had absolutely no skill as a baker, yet was particularly successful after he began his business. Rumors noted that he opened the bakery shortly after he bought some forested land located north of Philadelphia; land to this day, is forbidden to the public and even the closest of friends to the Keebler family.
While the Keebler company has not officially announced the cause of the e-coli in the cookies, an unconfirmed, unsubstantiated, anonymous source that we gave $260 for some information stated that the CDC was investigating whether elf droppings were the source of the e-coli.
According to another source, since being purchased in 2001 by Kellogg’s, the quality control at the factory where the cookies and crackers are made, has dropped ’substantially’. In addition, attempts for the elves to unionize was ‘brought down by a heavy hand’ from Kellogg’s which could explain the possible disgruntled behavior that may have led to this recall.
This article was thoroughly checked for spelling, but facts and details alluded to by the anonymous writer(s) of this article may not have been as backchecked as they should have due to the author(s) wasting time playing a Flashware version of the Inseminate the Palin Daughters game.
Yankees Magic Number for Playoffs holds at 92
Categories: Humor, Media and Popular Culture, 108 wordsSend feedback •NEW YORK – A pair of losses against the Florida Marlins has sparked a fire in the race for the coveted AL Wild Card spot. With only 93 games left in their regular season schedule, the Yankees hold a slim 1 game lead over the Blue Jays and a 2 game lead over the Devil Rays of Tampa (all three being divisional rivals).
“Things are heating up,” noted Baseball analyst Peter Gammons. “With well under 100 games to go, the Yankees can not afford to balk against the Jays or Rays. A single mistake and the Yankees will be looking from the outside in, with an insignificant 80 games left in the season.”
