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Most American don’t know who Norman Thomas is. Conservatives seem to be taking advantage of this fact and applying a couple quotes to him, that he most certainly never said.

“I no longer need to run as a Presidential Candidate for the Socialist Party. The Democrat Party has adopted our platform.”

and

“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of “liberalism,” they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.!”

These two quotes are attributed to Thomas in a speech he gave in 1944. It would seem terribly unlikely that he would have ever said these things. Here is a (link) to another blogger thinking along the same lines.

There has been no evidence offered to show that these quotes are legitimate. And seeing how the overwhelmingly vast majority of the search engine hits lead to right-wing sites, it wouldn’t surprise anyone that this is fabricated. Honestly, when would a conservative ever bother to get their hands on a speech written by a Socialist in the mid 40s?

Today’s “Are you bloody kidding me?!” Moment is brought to us by Henry Payne, partisan stooge editorial cartoonist.

So Obama gives the okay to save the American captain, he is a cowboy… if he doesn’t, he is a wimp. It has gotten to the point where Obama could run into a burning building, rescue all 14 trapped babies and 24 trapped kittens and the likes of Henry Payne will have an editorial cartoon criticizing Obama for not letting the Firefighters do their job.

The partisan rancor from the conservatives over Obama is just mind numbing. Even when he succeeds, they criticize him.

CANDYLAND – In what some are citing as a mere protocol faux pas, the conservatives of America have gone completely ape shit about Obama bowing to King Kandy during a foreign policy visit to Candyland. Candyland, long an ally of the United States for their exports of High Fructose Corn Syrup was a visiting point for President Obama as he went on a foreign trip to meet with allies around the world.

When photos came from the meeting with King Kandy, conservatives on the internet, went absolutely ape shit. “President Obama is rendering the US totally subservient to Candyland,” noted one particularly inane conservative online. “I can only ask, did Obama do this on purpose? What message was he really trying to get across?” the poster noted in a later post on a conservative web board.

While moderates and liberals noted that this was merely a protocol faux pas and nothing else, conservatives online and on the radio have started to “thank god” for term limits. Others went as far as to say that this act “pissed on the graves of all of our soldiers,” in reference to the Sugar Mine wars the US Military supported in the 70s. Some went further to suggest this was a treasonous act.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world carries on as if nothing of much concern occurred.

BUFFALO, NEW YORK – Despite the image having too little focus and being overprocessed through an HDR program to make the image almost unintelligible, a crappy image of what appears to be a waterfall or possibly a person still received positive comments from a number of users, which included “Very Nice Shot” and “Really Pretty", despite the image actually being an atrocity to art.

Another unrelated image that seemed to be the result of an accidental press of the shutter button was met with positive comments such as “lovely composition".

SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE… MAYBE ASIA – Since the announcement by FIA of the new scoring system in Formula One, there has been great outrage. “What possessed them to do this,” noted reigning champion Lewis Hamilton. “It is completely unfair.”

According to sources close to FIA, the new scoring system was inspired by the “Raving Rabbids” video game. “Man, it really heats things up and makes things interesting when you play Raving Rabbids,” the head of FIA stated according to the source.

Previously, points were awarded in a declining linear fashion based on position finished. The scoring will remain largely the same except that the racer who finishes in 2nd will receive no points.

“It is so arbitrary and ridiculous. I can’t believe they even came up with the idea,” noted racer Jarno Trulli. “It messes everything up!”

The Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) is said to be working on a counter proposal to replace the “Raving Rabbid” scoring system. Sources close to FOTA note that the point system would be similar to that used in the Atari game Pole Position.

THE MOON – The freakish 8-2 victory of the Mole People of the Moon over Argentina in the World Cup Qualifier has made FIFA rethink whether it should end it’s lifting of the gravitational ban. Critics of lifting the ban cite that the severe drop in gravitation and the complete lack of an atmosphere unduly punishes players not from the Moon.

The Mole People, native to the Moon, don’t need to breath air and are acclimated to the much lower pressure and gravity. The Argentinians suffered throughout the game, having arrived just one hour before the start due to the lack of any actual air on the Moon.

The irony, however, is that some people have lobbied for matches on the Moon, including Argentinian head coach, Diego Maradona. “You can only play where you were born,” noted the former football great. “I can’t particularly blame the lack of gravity, atmosphere and the fact that are players had to where suits to protect themselves from the lack of air pressure for losing the game. The Mole People just outplayed us.”

Scientists doubted how little the science could affect performance. “As seen in the game, any curved shot attempted, just went wide because there was no friction with the air to bend shots,” noted football enthusiast and astrophysicist Kip Thorne. “Argentina must of shot 25 shots wide of the net. In addition, the greatly reduced gravity made it easier for the small Mole People to kick harder shots. It exaggerates their ability.”

The Mole People’s record on Earth demonstrates that as they have yet to actually score a goal in the 42 games played on Earth.

FIFA is currently reviewing whether gravitation should be a concern when determining future football match locations. With that much undecided, it does seem very unlikely that the Mole People’s attempt to hold the FIFA World Cup on the Moon in 2018 will succeed.