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WASHINGTON DC – In what was supposed to be the normal transitioning into the White House, during not so good circumstances, turned much worse. “It was all lies,” said Obama. “We are so hosed.” Obama was referring to numerous problems, including the economic money that was given to the Treasury Department. Apparently, Bank of America and Citibank are long since bankrupt and have been lying, with the Bush Admin’s permission in order to “stabilize the economy.” There are no “stable” banks in the US at this time.

On the terrorism front, to make matters worse, one Presidential briefing dated January 19th 2009, notes that a nuclear weapon was smuggled in the US and is going to be set off this week. Former President Bush wrote a note on the briefing that read “get to that next week”.

And to make things even worse, the Bush Admin clearly hadn’t even started looking at a plan to replace the College Football BCS system with a better Playoff system.

“I don’t know where to even start,” said an overwhelmed and depressed Obama.

WHITE HOUSE IN “SAD” SHAPE

In what some are citing anywhere from “depressing” to “disturbing”, Obama staffers are starting to piece together what must have been a rough final year for President George W. Bush. Whiskey bottles and Bazooka Joe gum wrappers littered the White House everywhere, especially in the Oval Office. Countless scribbling on papers of “I was a good President” have been found as well.

The disheveled state of the White House didn’t end there. Dozens of maps and globes were ruined by someone who had scribbled text onto some of the countries, such as “Operation Re-election 2004 is a success -5/1/03” over Iraq. Over Iran, the word “Next” was scribbled on a number of different maps and globes throughout the White House.

Countless White House paintings of past Presidents had mustaches and glasses, sometimes including “googly eyes” drawn on them in blunt magic marker.

The Lincoln Bedroom had the remnants of a pillow fort, though judging on the amount of dust, it had been a long while since anyone had used it.

“It is going to take time to access the damage done here and in the nation,” said Obama. “The White House clean up shouldn’t be too hard, but there are a few important things missing.” Among the missing or lost are the alcohol in the building, a defibrillator, keys to the Camp David retreat and the ancient instructions of how to form Voltron, which without them, puts the US at threat from the Drule Empire.

“We knew we were in for some tough times. Well, it is clear, we are so boned.”