CAIRO, EGYPT – Envoys of both Hamas and Israel were given a proposal that, if accepted, would create a 10 day window for Israel and Hamas to “stop fucking trying to kill each other.” Both sides were hinting that they were optimistic that they’d “think about it [the proposal].”

Currently Hamas is being critical over Israel’s response to Hamas’ attempt of trying to kill Israelis. “We are only trying to kill Israelis,” said Hamas spokesperson Johann Spiegel. “Meanwhile Israel is actually successfully fighting back and killing us. That is unfair!”

Meanwhile, Israel is attempting to use brute military force to stop the anemic rocket attacks. Israeli spokesperson, Ahmed Hussein noted, “They pull a knife, we pull a gun. They send one of our soldiers to the hospital, we send one of their’s to the morgue. That’s the Israel way. We think it might actually work this time.”

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