BlogTopia (now with 11% more blog)

PITTSBURGH – Pittsburgh Penguins head coach Michel Therrien had a difficult time explaining why he went with the rare decision of starting five fat guys (or wideloads) in their recent game against the Atlanta Thrashers.

Noting that he was going with “his gut", thinking that perhaps the manuever would catch the Thrashers by surprise, Therrien made the rare decision to start the 5 very large players.

Noted for their size, the fat guys are typically unstoppable forces. They can easily knock opposing players down without any effort, especially the really skinny ones. Get them the puck and things are going your way.

However, their weakness is speed. Thrashers’ head coach John Anderson quickly took notice of their speed issues and changed the gameplan to take advantage of it. It didn’t take long for Therrien’s large man squad to go down 3-0, only 5 minutes into the first period. The large players floated around the ice like manatees while the Thrashers moved the puck quickly up the ice. It was a complete mismatch.

When it appeared his plans were completely taken advantage of, Therrien sent on a couple skinny guys and a medium sized guy late in the first period, but there was little they could do to get the game within reach, already being down 9-0.

Today is so uberly crucial to test Obama’s influence in American politics.

If a Democrat can’t win a House seat that has been in Republican control since the Civil War, that will mean it is Obama’s fault.

If a Democrat can’t win the Governorship of a state that Republicans have a long track record of doing well, that will mean it is Obama’s fault!

If Corzine can’t win re-election in New Jersey because he’s an idiot, that’ll mean it is Obama’s fault!!!

If Obama loses any of these races, that’ll mean he is an inept politician that can’t get anything done and that the US has swung back to supporting far right wing candidates like Ken Blackwell, that the economy is well into a depression and that all of our troops died in Afghanistan and Iraq.

OH! And because the Cubs and White Sox aren’t in the World Series… that is a testament that Obama just can’t get the job done. And don’t get me started on what the Olympics thing means. Might as well start learning Portugese.

TEHRAN, IRAN – Supreme Leader of Iran’s Islamic Republic, Khamenei announced that Ahmadinejad won the most votes in the Afghanistan election last week. “The Afghan people have spoken and they have spoken for Ahmadinejad to become their next leader.”

Critics were skeptical of the latest claims citing that Ahmadinejad hadn’t even run in the race in Afghanistan, nor was he even qualified to assume the post if he had.

Afghan public opinion was hard to gage as they appeared fearful of dying for speaking up.

Moore-Coulter Postulate 3.0

I created a name for a typical fallacy that I see online in web boards. It is the Moore-Coulter Postulate, which in honesty is a derivative of the False Equivalence Fallacy. It is typically committed by right-wingers who compare differing magnitudes of opposing ideologies as equivalent.

The Postulate reads:

“Conservatives have a strong tendency to be unable to differentiate between absolute magnitudes of two politically opposing people/conventions/ideas and as a consequence, typically see such values as inconsequential in difference.”

An example would be a right-winger noting that Moore is “just as bad” as Coulter when it comes to blanket partisanship and vileness or that MSNBC is a “mirror image” of Fox News. Oddly enough, far left-wingers seem to be now making the same sort of fallacy regarding Obama being “just as bad” as George W. Bush.

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – The international body for swimming competitions, FINA, announced new regulations regarding swimwear that is deemed appropriate for the sport. Recently, controversy over the Arena X-Glide swimsuit used by Paul Biedermann in the world championships has forced FINA to rule as to what the limits are for swimwear technology.

Biedermann beat Michael Phelps in the 200 meter freestyle using the Arena X-Glide, a polyurethane swimsuit, while Phelps was wearing a Speedo LZR Razor, a textile suit.

FINA is expected to announce that starting in March of 2010, the only appropriate swimsuit will be a full body wool swimsuit. “We feel that wool is the only way to ensure that the swimmers will be competing at similar levels,” noted FINA spokesperson Andrea Swimmer. “While we expect swim times to become slower, we feel this will address the issue as to whether a swimmer or their suit won a race.”

In 1882, the greatest fad was something called Telegraph Twitter. People would send messages to other people that consisted of messages limited to 140 taps.

WASHINGTON DC – Due to a clerical error on House Bill 162A, President Barrack Obama signed into law, funds for the two war efforts that amounted to a much less amount than previously hoped. “We got the check in the mail today, and it was much lower than we expect,” noted General Bighemy. “I understand times are tight, but $85 isn’t going to cut it.” Military leaders in Afghanistan had similar comments regarding the funding.

The original bill was intended to have $167 billion in funds for the military efforts. The “billion” was accidentally left off the final language of the bill and therefore, President Obama and Congress only officially approved the $167 for the war efforts.

“This is extremely embarrassing,” President Obama in a press conference. “We are working at passing a second bill to fund the remaining $166,999,999,832 of the funds.”

Meanwhile in other news, the City of Topeka, Kansas was elated to find out that the $25,000 they wanted earmarked for improvements to playgrounds throughout the city turned out to be a $25 million windfall.

WASHINGTON DC – Cannibals grilled Fed Chief Ben Bernake over a fire pit today in Congress. Bernake was seasoned with sage, rosemary and a honey dill dressing.

SOUTH CAROLINA – Current Governor, and up to now, a favorite among Republican hopefuls for the 2012 Republican nomination for losing the 2012 Presidential election, Mark Sanford admitted today to putting his penis into the wrong vagina. “I need to admit that I put my penis into the wrong vagina. It was wrong and for that I’m sorry. I apologize to my wife for not putting my penis into her vagina instead. I apologize to my sons of whom I’ve now taught that ‘moral men’ put their penises into immoral places. And I apologize to all people of faith in South Carolina. Not over the penis thing, but just because I suck so much as a Governor.

“I developed a relationship with what started as a dear, dear friend from Argentina. It began very innocently, and only consisted of casual meaningless cybersex, as I suspect many of these things do, in just a casual cybersex e-mail back and forth. But here recently, over this last year, it developed into something much more than that. Hardcore penis in vagina stuff.”

Mark Sanford’s wife noted, “I believe in a faith that requires forgiveness as we all commit sins and all sins carry the same angry vengeance from our loving god. My husband committed a terrible sin, but I’m just thankful he put that penis into a vagina and not some guy’s anus… that’d been a worse sin.”

Governor Sanford joins former NY Governor Elliot Spitzer who also put his penis into the wrong vagina, however, in his case he paid specifically for that wrong vagina and choose to resign when it got out.

Obama passed legislation that will grant FDA greater power over regulating cigarettes. Kinda forgot to make nicotine, that addictive drug that companies put in cigarettes that makes people dependent on cigarettes.

Maybe if drug pushers put nicotine in cocaine or marijuana, those drugs would be deemed kosher by the Federal Government.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Keebler officials announced today that they were pulling some brands of their Keebler cookies off the shelves due to e-coli contamination. The CDC is tracking approximately 52 cases in 12 states, mostly in the southeast, which have required hospitalization due to exposure to e-coli.

Keebler was established by Godfrey Keebler in the 1850’s. Oddly enough, the man had absolutely no skill as a baker, yet was particularly successful after he began his business. Rumors noted that he opened the bakery shortly after he bought some forested land located north of Philadelphia; land to this day, is forbidden to the public and even the closest of friends to the Keebler family.

While the Keebler company has not officially announced the cause of the e-coli in the cookies, an unconfirmed, unsubstantiated, anonymous source that we gave $260 for some information stated that the CDC was investigating whether elf droppings were the source of the e-coli.

According to another source, since being purchased in 2001 by Kellogg’s, the quality control at the factory where the cookies and crackers are made, has dropped ’substantially’. In addition, attempts for the elves to unionize was ‘brought down by a heavy hand’ from Kellogg’s which could explain the possible disgruntled behavior that may have led to this recall.

This article was thoroughly checked for spelling, but facts and details alluded to by the anonymous writer(s) of this article may not have been as backchecked as they should have due to the author(s) wasting time playing a Flashware version of the Inseminate the Palin Daughters game.

NEW YORK – A pair of losses against the Florida Marlins has sparked a fire in the race for the coveted AL Wild Card spot. With only 93 games left in their regular season schedule, the Yankees hold a slim 1 game lead over the Blue Jays and a 2 game lead over the Devil Rays of Tampa (all three being divisional rivals).

“Things are heating up,” noted Baseball analyst Peter Gammons. “With well under 100 games to go, the Yankees can not afford to balk against the Jays or Rays. A single mistake and the Yankees will be looking from the outside in, with an insignificant 80 games left in the season.”

It is being reported that TLC is teasing a “major decision” will be made this Monday on the reality television show “Jon and Kate Plus 8″, a program about exploiting your family and life for money, which is TLC’s highest rated program.

Most people are speculating that the decision will be regarding a separation which, as viewers (or people who shop at grocery stores and are forced to see headlines on Tabloid magazines while waiting in line) know, the marriage between Jon and Kate has become very rocky as the two are becoming more separated over how to exploit their family for money.

Other speculators are proposing that the announcement will be regarding a possible family merger between Jon and Kate’s family and the Duggar Family (who are out to prove that the Vagina indeed is a clown car).

A minority of people believe that the announcement will be regarding their family reaching a breakthrough between the Israelis and Palestinians regarding legal and illegal Israeli settlements.

However, we at BlogTopia have broken what the “major decision” is going to be and everyone is wrong. We at BlogTopia discovered that the announcement will be regarding Jon and Kate employing “vigilante justice” on the paparazzi that have plagued their family since their reality show first aired years ago.

Jon and Kate will state that the paparazzi for too long have waited for them at stores, at their house and even snapping shots through their window. “The only way our family will find peace is through the bullet. If we encounter any paparazzi in our daily lives from this day forward, they better have bullet proof vests.”

Indeed, it has been well documented on video that the family has experienced an unfortunate amount of privacy violations. In addition private memos and letters written by Jon and Kate, found as we searched through their garbage, also attested to a growing frustration with their continually shrinking amount of personal privacy.

The announcement this Monday will have an unknown effect. While ratings will certainly increase at the chance of seeing a member of the paparazzi get “ice’d", it is unknown whether the paparazzi will take that chance. In addition, TLC worries that if the marriage finds peace, that ratings will drop as, according to polls, approximately 39% of viewers want Jon and Kate to “suffer a devastating divorce.” Stock prices were up 1% on the news of the announcement.

Tehran, Iran – Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei demanded an immediate end to election protests that have unnerved him since the election a week ago that declared Ahmadinejad the winner by a disputable amount. Khamenei warned the Iranian people that he would count to 3 for them to stop… or else.

PARIS, FRANCE – The Tour de France leadership announced today that it would conduct extensive autopsy’s on all riders following the Tour this year. The fatal procedures are expected to take one day per rider, with final toxicology results available after 3 months. The results will be used to determine whether any of the riders had used any doping drugs prior to or during the Tour de France.

WASHINGTON DC – Riding on the tail of the enormous success that was the D-Day invasion on the shores of Normandy, France, President Franklin Roosevelt declared the end to “major hostilities” in World War II. “In the Battle of Europe, the United States and our allies have prevailed. And now our coalition is engaged in securing and reconstructing that continent.”

AP – Cape Canaveral, Florida – NASA scientists were rushing to determine ways to get astronaut Scott Altman’s tongue detached from the Hubble Telescope. While details of the incident are vague, it is believed that fellow astronaut Megan McArthur “dared” Scott Altman to lick the Hubble Telescope in the depth of space. Afraid of being called a “fraidy cat", Scott Altman took off his helmet and licked the Hubble Telescope and in the deep freeze of space got his tongue stuck to it.

The remaining crew of the Atlantis used the robotic arm to get the Hubble into the payload area of the shuttle to determine a method of getting Altman’s tongue off of the Hubble telescope.

Monkey Business - Cary Grant, Ginger Rogers, Marylin Monroe star in Howard Hawks comedy. This movie, I believe is under-rated as a top level comedy. Sure, it gets its props, but this movie is so well put together, there are no lulls, no points of annoyingness. The characters and their actions in this film are all really well weighted. Hawks managed this film wonderfully. Grant and Rogers were tremendous. A must see.

9 of 10

Penny Serenade - Irene Dunne and Cary Grant star in this film that is, in my opinion, dull and with an ending that had about as much intellectual satisfaction as an atheist gets with the ending of the Gable/Tracey San Francisco film.

The movie is shown in the present with our main character having flashbacks the lengths of movies. I saw where the film was going and it was dealing with some good issues, however, despite the setbacks, despite the hardships, I just wasn’t that moved.

Cary Grant got a nomination for Best Actor. I guess it was justified. His climatic scene is in the courtroom. Otherwise, I found his role a bit underwhelming. My review is more disfavorable than the general review of this film, so consult a doctor first before taking too seriously.

6.5 of 10

Dr. Strangelove - Not the first time I saw this. Cinematic classic… though I’m hardly the only one to think so. This film is so brilliant in both its dark comedy to its serious tone regarding the Cold War… a tone that reads like hindsight, but was actually smack in the middle of the “conflict". Peter Sellers was absolutely robbed by Rex Harrison and the Academy. My Fair Lady?! Come on! Peter Sellers plays three completely unique roles splendidly. He wasn’t a slapstick comedian in this film. He was a brilliant actor in it.

The plot, the characters, the everything else… one of the best films ever.

10 of 10

The Grapes of Wrath - A cinematic classic of a literary classic. The depths to which men will go to make a living, the desperation of just trying to put food on the table. Henry Fonda got his first Oscar nod for his role in this film (lost to Stewart from The Philadelphia Story). The movie really does hold together well. It never lulls in any spot longer than it must. The underlying theme is compelling. What a person must do to make it and how some forces will pit man against man to get ahead. Certainly capitalism in America near its ugliest. This is one of those, have to see films.

10 of 10

Alice Adams (spoilers) - The professor who invented flubber and Katherine Hepburn star in this rare movie that made me want Katherine Hepburn to die. Honestly, it wasn’t Hepburn’s fault. It was her character and the complete one-dimensional film where we have a female protagonist, that is really a big fat liar who wants to become a member of the shallow aristocracy and gets the inventor of flubber to fall in love with her.

What bothers me is that the movie could have been better. Alice Adams could have easily been more heroic instead of being a person who was a sellout. She has nothing, wants to be a snob… instead of having nothing and being proud of who she is as a person. Her aspiration to become the higher class, to become shallow really makes her a villain to me in this movie. That and extremely annoying. The dinner scene, aside from a good one-liner from the father and Hattie McDaniel’s antics as the maid (I know… such a stretch for her… I guess all black people were maids in the 30s, 40s and 50s as black people never seem to do much else in the movies but be the stewards and maids - The Petrified Forest being a notable exception), was nails on the chalkboard irritating.

In the end, Alice Adams didn’t deserve the inventor of flubber. In fact, I have no idea why he was attracted to her at all. She had very little redeming quality as a person. But it is a Hollywood movie and they love their falling in love endings. *smooch*

3.5 of 10

Take Me Out to the Ballgame - It has Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra and Esther Williams. So you know what to expect… oh wait… no you don’t. This movie was boring and dull. Tell ya, one thing you’ll get tired of while watching old movies is how falling in love is so splendidly easy and how stuff always works out in the end. (No, I haven’t just broken up… ) The plot was there, it was simple and cohesive, I’m just not really in to that sort of cliche, at least right now. Oddly enough, this may have been the first Esther Williams movie I’ve seen.

5.5 of 10

My Little Chickadee - Mae West and WC Fields star in this film as missionaries who are married. After fixing everything they could in a town, they head out on a train to Greasetown. After learning of the terrible condition of the morality there, WC Fields character becomes the hard working sheriff, who puts his life on the line many times. Mae West’s character starts a small school and teaches the kids math and reading. They both settle down here after Mae West becomes pregnant and has a kid.

Yeah… that’s the ticket. Well, the actual movie is supposedly one of Mae West’s best. If I may say, she is the female version of John Wayne (granted, I have no right saying this because this is the only Mae West film I’ve seen). It is just her character is quite one-dimensional. She did have a couple zingers, my favorite being (while teaching at the school) “Two and two is four and five will get you ten if you know how to work it.” I enjoyed WC Fields on screen more than West as West’s act got a bit old. I did like the ending though. Nice change from the typical, fall in love at the end that Hollywood is notorious for.

6 of 10

Dark Victory - Regarded as one of Bette Davis’s best. A story about a woman who, well… isn’t looking so good in the health department. Davis wanted this film made, mainly because the main character is so her. Rich, spoiled, over the top, and certainly with flaws. I think Davis does a superb job in this film. The movie doesn’t disappoint in the end either. It stayed true to itself. I always appreciate when a movie does that.

8.5 of 10

The Godfather - Michael Keaton stars a much overlooked film detailing a family in the organized crime world for gambling and alcohol. The film, sometimes violent and sometimes, split your sides funny, is a slapstick look into how organized crime works…

…

wait… that was Johnny Dangerously not The Godfather… my bad.

The Godfather is a cinematic classic tale about a guy maturing from a do nothing, have fun person to a cold blooded, methodical madman. There are also a few social lessons taught in the movie, mainly that killing a person in your car will mean your windshield will probably be ruined… so plan ahead! For a movie of over 3 hours, it seems remarkably short, very little lagging at all. I really don’t want to waste more time on this review because I was the last person to see the movie, so it isn’t like I’ll be helping someone make a discovery of this film.

9.5 of 10

Most American don’t know who Norman Thomas is. Conservatives seem to be taking advantage of this fact and applying a couple quotes to him, that he most certainly never said.

“I no longer need to run as a Presidential Candidate for the Socialist Party. The Democrat Party has adopted our platform.”

and

“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of “liberalism,” they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.!”

These two quotes are attributed to Thomas in a speech he gave in 1944. It would seem terribly unlikely that he would have ever said these things. Here is a (link) to another blogger thinking along the same lines.

There has been no evidence offered to show that these quotes are legitimate. And seeing how the overwhelmingly vast majority of the search engine hits lead to right-wing sites, it wouldn’t surprise anyone that this is fabricated. Honestly, when would a conservative ever bother to get their hands on a speech written by a Socialist in the mid 40s?

Today’s “Are you bloody kidding me?!” Moment is brought to us by Henry Payne, partisan stooge editorial cartoonist.

So Obama gives the okay to save the American captain, he is a cowboy… if he doesn’t, he is a wimp. It has gotten to the point where Obama could run into a burning building, rescue all 14 trapped babies and 24 trapped kittens and the likes of Henry Payne will have an editorial cartoon criticizing Obama for not letting the Firefighters do their job.

The partisan rancor from the conservatives over Obama is just mind numbing. Even when he succeeds, they criticize him.

CANDYLAND – In what some are citing as a mere protocol faux pas, the conservatives of America have gone completely ape shit about Obama bowing to King Kandy during a foreign policy visit to Candyland. Candyland, long an ally of the United States for their exports of High Fructose Corn Syrup was a visiting point for President Obama as he went on a foreign trip to meet with allies around the world.

When photos came from the meeting with King Kandy, conservatives on the internet, went absolutely ape shit. “President Obama is rendering the US totally subservient to Candyland,” noted one particularly inane conservative online. “I can only ask, did Obama do this on purpose? What message was he really trying to get across?” the poster noted in a later post on a conservative web board.

While moderates and liberals noted that this was merely a protocol faux pas and nothing else, conservatives online and on the radio have started to “thank god” for term limits. Others went as far as to say that this act “pissed on the graves of all of our soldiers,” in reference to the Sugar Mine wars the US Military supported in the 70s. Some went further to suggest this was a treasonous act.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world carries on as if nothing of much concern occurred.

BUFFALO, NEW YORK – Despite the image having too little focus and being overprocessed through an HDR program to make the image almost unintelligible, a crappy image of what appears to be a waterfall or possibly a person still received positive comments from a number of users, which included “Very Nice Shot” and “Really Pretty", despite the image actually being an atrocity to art.

Another unrelated image that seemed to be the result of an accidental press of the shutter button was met with positive comments such as “lovely composition".

SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE… MAYBE ASIA – Since the announcement by FIA of the new scoring system in Formula One, there has been great outrage. “What possessed them to do this,” noted reigning champion Lewis Hamilton. “It is completely unfair.”

According to sources close to FIA, the new scoring system was inspired by the “Raving Rabbids” video game. “Man, it really heats things up and makes things interesting when you play Raving Rabbids,” the head of FIA stated according to the source.

Previously, points were awarded in a declining linear fashion based on position finished. The scoring will remain largely the same except that the racer who finishes in 2nd will receive no points.

“It is so arbitrary and ridiculous. I can’t believe they even came up with the idea,” noted racer Jarno Trulli. “It messes everything up!”

The Formula One Teams Association (FOTA) is said to be working on a counter proposal to replace the “Raving Rabbid” scoring system. Sources close to FOTA note that the point system would be similar to that used in the Atari game Pole Position.

THE MOON – The freakish 8-2 victory of the Mole People of the Moon over Argentina in the World Cup Qualifier has made FIFA rethink whether it should end it’s lifting of the gravitational ban. Critics of lifting the ban cite that the severe drop in gravitation and the complete lack of an atmosphere unduly punishes players not from the Moon.

The Mole People, native to the Moon, don’t need to breath air and are acclimated to the much lower pressure and gravity. The Argentinians suffered throughout the game, having arrived just one hour before the start due to the lack of any actual air on the Moon.

The irony, however, is that some people have lobbied for matches on the Moon, including Argentinian head coach, Diego Maradona. “You can only play where you were born,” noted the former football great. “I can’t particularly blame the lack of gravity, atmosphere and the fact that are players had to where suits to protect themselves from the lack of air pressure for losing the game. The Mole People just outplayed us.”

Scientists doubted how little the science could affect performance. “As seen in the game, any curved shot attempted, just went wide because there was no friction with the air to bend shots,” noted football enthusiast and astrophysicist Kip Thorne. “Argentina must of shot 25 shots wide of the net. In addition, the greatly reduced gravity made it easier for the small Mole People to kick harder shots. It exaggerates their ability.”

The Mole People’s record on Earth demonstrates that as they have yet to actually score a goal in the 42 games played on Earth.

FIFA is currently reviewing whether gravitation should be a concern when determining future football match locations. With that much undecided, it does seem very unlikely that the Mole People’s attempt to hold the FIFA World Cup on the Moon in 2018 will succeed.

Am I the only one who desperately watches 2 minutes of the latest Family Guy episode in desperate hope that the show will have returned to it’s first three season’s form… and then once again am let down by the garbage that has become Family Guy?

Mildred Pierce - This movie marked Joan Crawford’s comeback. The movie is a great film, a suspenseful whodunit movie guiding you through the life of a single mother and her two children. Joan Crawford won the Oscar for her performance as a loving, unquestioning mother… a real stretch for her.

8.5 of 10

In the Name of King - Have you ever watched a movie and in the first 10 minutes you absolutely knew if you didn’t turn it off, you’d be irreparably harmed by watching the remainder of it?

1 of 10 (at least the first 10 minutes of it)

The Transporter 3 - It was a good film. I’ve liked (not loved) the series so far, it is my guilty pleasure. The first film of the series was the best as it was the freshest. The film itself, I find more “believable” than the second film, the fight scene in the airplane in the second film got to the point of laughable. The second film almost insults the viewer, where as the third film was a bit more respectful, though the ending does get silly.

The killing point for the film is the romance between the two main stars as it steals momentum from the film and really is not warranted. The director in the extras notes that this adds a humanity side to the character Frank Martin… which it doesn’t because that happened in the first and second film. This guy has a heart and a conscience, we learn nothing from this love angle.

The twist, which keeps our characters trapped within the plot is nice and it was refreshing that the writing didn’t cheat on that premise. The train scene, was of course, over the top, but that is what you get with The Transporter series. I’d say this was better than the second film, but the love angle is just finger nails scratching on the chalkboard annoying.

5.2 of 10

I Was a Male War Bride

Brilliant comedy about a guy who gets hitched and how regulations in the military can greatly complicate it. Cary Grant is in typical fashion for this rather funny movie. Not much else to say. The score says enough.

8.5 of 10

Bottle Shock - It is an independent film… It has Alan Rickman, Bill Pulman and the Slayer… I mean Eliza Dushku. Fun movie about the Global discovery of wine from the Napa Valley in California. The pace is slowish, but keeps you interested, especially in light of the simple, non-complicated plot line. The movie is well-crafted, warm and has the Slayer in it… I mean Eliza Dushka.

7.5 of 10

Night at the Opera - One of the best comedies ever. When you I think of Marx Brother films, I think of great comedy with a bunch of musicals, that can sometimes get laggy. Night at the Opera was a great film that keeps its pace and is full of classic one-liners and skits. Not much else to say. One of the best comedies… period.

9.0 of 10

The Male Animal - Wow! Henry Fonda was great in this movie. I’m more used to him playing the straight up guy, but he plays a guy with many more foibles and the drunk scene is worth the price of admission. A movie that is about a simple class that turns into a huge Collegiate free speech issue, very interesting theme on the Red Scare with quite a bit of comedy within it. I only gave it 7.9, but I enjoyed it a ton.

7.9 of 10

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – A report released late Monday evening led to Stock market futures being down for Tuesday. The report titled “Daylight Savings Status” noted of a “substantial deficit” in American Daylight Savings.

The report noted that the typical American had a negative Daylight savings rate. Due to the deficit, the US would is due for “perpetual darkness” over the next 31.5 months. “Even though the Bush Admin aggressively extended the period of daylight savings, the change has not been sufficient enough to overcome the overwhelming deficit.”

The Obama Administration has said it is working night and day, while it lasts, to come up with a Daylight Stimulus Package.

LONDON, ENGLAND – Edwin van der Sar may have set the Premiership record for consecutive minutes without conceding a goal, at 1,311 minutes, but he himself, is still scoreless for over a decade.

van der Sar, goaltender for Manchester United went nearly 4 months without giving up a goal in the Premiership. Sadly, it pales in comparison to his scoring slump that has lasted well over 130 months since he scored against De Graafschap.

“I hope Obama fails.” Yeah, that is the Limbaugh take on it. It also clearly is becoming the Republican Party’s take on it.

After losing badly in November, the Republicans had a choice. Look at the results and become more moderate as the younger generations are voting overwhelmingly for Democrats… or go completely nutz and somehow think the reason they lost was because they just weren’t “conservative” enough…. They went the latter route.

And in doing so, have filed a naked Credit Default Swap (CDS) with America’s Economy. A CDS, for those still in the dark about those, is a piece of insurance on an investment, like a bond in a company. You pay company B to insure your bond with company A, just in case company A can’t afford to pay off their bond to you. Well, a “naked” CDS was developed which allowed people to buy insurance on an investment they didn’t even own. So the person with a Naked CDS would make money only if the company failed to pay off the investment they didn’t even own. In other words, a naked CDS was a bet that the company would become broke.

And this is what the Republicans have decided to do. They are playing politics with could be the worst global economic crisis ever… something that may actually be too late to react to in order to stop it from imploding. The Republicans are putting all their political capital into a naked CDS that only pays out if our economy crashes. By refusing to even go to the table with President Obama, they are saying that we want the economy to crash.

Is that what they really are saying? Yes. It is, and here is how. If the economy recovers and the Republicans stone-walled Obama’s attempt to revive the economy, the Republicans are absolutely hosed in ‘10 or ‘12. They’ll be trashed in the election. But if the economy does crash/implode/whatever, then the Republicans will be everywhere saying that “We warned you this wouldn’t work, put us back in power.”

In other words, their strategy only pays off, if our economy goes to Hell. Now how exactly is it possible to be any more anti-America than that?

Serenity - If you like sci-fi or like a lesser than mainstream perspective, go out, buy the Firefly Series set, watch it, then see Serenity. It is amazing how the Fox Network completely ruined what could have been a really good thing. Serenity works well on its own, but it is best viewed after watching the series (what was on TV and what wasn’t on TV).

The characters, the plot, the theme, it is so refreshing to watch (there is no sound in space, so when a ship goes from 0 to really fast, it doesn’t make a sound in Whedon’s film… so very refreshing!). You get an action film that is complete and whole, not relying merely on big budget special effects. The plot arc is long enough as well, never staying on a single point for longer than necessary. Most of the actors in the film aren’t the big budget people, but the originals from the show and they play their roles perfectly. Sci-fi movies this good come out about once a decade it seems. 8.5 of 10

Ironman - This movie caught me by surprise. Typically, if it is a super-hero movie, it’ll be a waste of time and money. Ironman somehow avoided this trap. Downey Jr, plays a solid role as Tony Stark (or so I’m told, I’ve never read an Ironman comic). The acting is good, if not formulaic and the plot keeps movie at a brisk enough pace so as not to make you become bored or desire to fast foward through any particular scene. The effects are really good, but remain secondary to the story. 8 of 10

It Should Happen To You - Judy Holliday stars in this film and Jack Lemmon debuts in it! Holliday plays her role perfectly (her character at times had an Edith of ‘All in the Family’ feel to it) and some of the scriptwriting had some impressive wit and timing. The premise of the film is simple, though certainly a bit outlandish. The film holds itself together well. 8 of 10

Hancock - A decent movie with an unusual tack. The super hero that kinda doesn’t give a flip. The movie works well as it doesn’t stray too long with the plot. It has unique qualities, though you probably won’t feel too moved with the film. You really know where the film is going to go, but it keeps the laughs around. You can watch the movie once, but after that, there isn’t much reason to watch it again. 5.6 of 10

Sex and the Single Girl - Curtis, Wood, Becall, and Henry Fonda star in this comedy. Tony Curtis, who looks like Jack Lemmon , is a liar, Wood an egghead, Becall doubting and Fonda is just frustrated. Curtis gets involved with Wood, in an attempt to dig some dirt on the psychologist Wood. Using the current issues Becall and Fonda are suffering in their marriage, a weave of deceit unravels into what is an almost overwhelming climax of lampoonery (yeah, I just made that word up). The oddness is that the ending sequence is almost a tad bit asymmetric with the film. While a comedy, the movie to that point wasn’t exactly a goof ball, slapstick movie.

That said, the movie is quite enjoyable. 7.8 of 10

Flash of Genius (spoilers) - Impressive, how such a “trite” invention by today’s standards would be able to hold a movie of two hours. Loralai Gilmore… I mean Lauren Graham stars alongside Greg Kinnear. The story has been told before. Individual genius stolen by big business, guy loses just about everything but wins just enough in the end to make it worth it. The film is honest, and compelling. About the only thing that the movie doesn’t do is manage to probably show how long the whole process took.

I took a look at the overall reviews. They aren’t kind to this film. Maybe it is because I’m an engineer, but I enjoyed the film, despite the technicality of the movie. The technicality is what kept the movie more of a docudrama, than just a meaningless David v Goliath movie. This isn’t fictional. The guy was robbed by Ford, he lost his wife and I think the honesty and small worldness of the film is what gives it the charm and meaningfulness it has. (7.0 of 10)

LOS ANGELES, CA – While standing at the podium, before a battery of sport reporters, Manny Ramirez announced that he reached a 4 year / $61 million agreement with himself. The contract is a break-through for Ramirez who has been finding it difficult to find a team that would meet what some consider a “steep” salary, especially given his age, fielding ability and questionable commitment to the game.

“I think both sides of this win,” noted ESPN’s Peter Gammons. “Ramirez was looking for substantially more for the salary, but this gives both Manny Ramirez the player a long term contract to finish his career and Manny Ramirez the buyer a price that he can afford to sign himself with.”

Manny Ramirez is expected to report home as soon as this week.

Yeah… there is always going to be partisan calls that the opposing side is insane, but this is less my opinion and more a reality. Where as the Democrats have their lunatic fringe in Democratic Underground, the Republicans seem to be a party of their respective fringe, making it more mainstream than the lunatics of the Liberal side of the spectrum would ever get.

Check out this place (link).

From one thread:

I think as long as Nobama has favorable ratings, he will continue to go down the path he is heading on. Once his approval numbers start to plummet, I think he will move more to the right.

He was abandoned by 2 dads and then his mother. He is a seriously flawed individual, and he craves attention. You can see that with all of his TV appearances, and his contunued campaigning.

Will this lead up to a civil war? A citizen up rising? No one knows, but something is brewing. The populace is growing more angry by the day. All it will take is one “incident” at a Tea Party where there is the lose of a life, then things will spill over. I wonder when Nobama will send his “Brownshirt mob” aka Acorn, to counter one of the Tea Party protests? Violence will break out for certain.

I just want everyone to remember that we are dealing with a very serioulsy flawed individual, and there are dark and powerful forces behind him.

It is incredible the amount of misinformation you see in this post… and this post is actually one of the more “reasonable” of the posts at that site.

- First, ACORN? They were a group that did nothing wrong. Somehow, in these people’s imagination, they are a Voting Fraud Corporation. In reality, ACORN gets people to register to vote. They pay per registration, which leads to fraud… which they pick out before submitting the registrations. The fraudful registrations are noted as being suspected when they submit all the registrations (as required by law), so the state board of elections can make quicker progress in discarding the illegitimate registrations. But somehow, by following the law and actually raising the bar on quality control, they are “Brownshirts"… a reference to the Hitler years.

- Brownshirts, nothing like Godwin’s Law. When in doubt on how to represent your partisan enemy, haul out the Nazis. You can never go wrong with Political Hyperbole when attempting to be as partisan as possible.

- Obama abandoned by fathers and his mother, meaning that he is seeking attention. This is perhaps my favorite part because the author alleges the reason for all the Press Conferences and Public speeches is a cry for attention. What the author seems to forget is that prior to Bush, this stuff was actually common. W, who couldn’t handle himself in a real Press Conference decided to not do them.

- And let’s not forget about the ‘dark forces’ behind the Obama administration. As noted by other people in other threads there, Obama is actually trying to instigate a Civil War (that is right, they aren’t over-reacting to nothing… rather Obama is forcing them to react as they are). Others think Obama is trying to turn America into AmeriKa… a socialistic paradise… and when they say Socialistic they mean the oligarchical dictatorship as seen in the USSR, which had about as much to do with Socialism as Fred Phelps has to do with the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Now, I won’t claim that this site is the typical view of all the conservatives that are left, rather, this group is pretty much in line with the Limbaughs out there and they are not a minimalist fringe of the conservative wing. These people are paranoid, misinformed and a strong block in the Republican Party. Kind of scary. If the economy can right itself in a year or two, they, along with the Republicans, will become very marginalized. I’m hoping that happens.

Quite amazing news (link). The Patriots trade off Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel to the Kansas City Chiefs. The hard part to believe is that the Patriots, who have been quite savvy about receiving draft picks in trades, only get a 2nd rounder. I would have assumed at least an additional pick to that.

Now I understand that Cassel is rather ‘untested’. Yes, he did perform magnificently for the Patriots this year. While his passing stats aren’t blow your mind awesome, what was impressive was that he made few mistakes. Cassel wasn’t the reason the Patriots didn’t make the playoffs… that’d be the inconsistent play of the defense which was riddled with injuries.

But Cassel only has one year of play, so not quite a guarantee Hall of Famer.

So, what did the Patriots get? Well, a 2nd round pick and not having to pay the $15 million in salary. There seems to be a glut of good unrestricted free agent QBs, so maybe the timing just wasn’t the most optimal for the Patriots. But a 2nd round pick and the warm glowing happy feeling that Brady must be in good shape helps take a bit of the sting away.

The Patriots are an in-the-moment, but never not thinking of the big picture minded management team. With the aging defense, this gives them another solid chance of landing a long-term defensive great from the draft, helping keep the Patriots franchise financially viable over the long-term and competitive over the long-term.

I certainly wish Cassel the best of luck in Kansas City. KC have a great guy at the helm in the GM position so maybe the Chiefs can become good again.

The following are some corrections regarding claims made by Obama n his Congress Address on February 25th:

- “we import more oil today than ever before”

That is false… we imported more oil than ever before last Monday, not today.

- He claimed his mortgage aid plan would help “responsible” buyers but not those who borrowed beyond their means.

If people didn’t borrow beyond their means… they probably don’t need the aid.

- Noted the high cost of health care “causes a bankruptcy in America every 30 seconds.”

It is probably more like 41 seconds.

- He flubbed one fact about American history.

Though contrary to what other fact checks are saying, the U.S. did invent the automobile… Al Gore did it. However, the transcontinental railroad was not completed until … {looks up in Wikipedia} … apparently 2019.

- Obama noted that 95% of Americans would benefit from the tax cut.

No one will benefit from the tax cut of $20 extra bucks a paycheck.

Link to overview

The good news… the over $1 trillion annual deficit is only supposed to last for two years. Glad to see the budget being what the budget actually is. No more hiding the Iraq / Afghanistan costs. Though it’d be nice if the Social Security funds were also taken from the revenue side. The bad news, the National Debt will nearly triple between ‘08 and ‘19. Umm… that’s bad. Very bad!

Worst yet, looking over the numbers, I don’t see much in the way of spending cuts… anywhere. Perhaps a cut here and there, but overall, spending increases everywhere, including our woefully overfunded military. Obama says he wants to cut our deficit in half in 4 years… well, seeing the deficit is going to be over $1 trillion next year, that really shouldn’t be that hard. Shouldn’t we be raising the bar a tad bit higher?

According to some economists, some see Obama’s budget plan over the long term as being too rosy with the economic assumptions (link).

But many economists who examined the economic assumptions that undergird the spending plan believe that Obama may have resorted to one of the oldest gimmicks around — relying on overly optimistic economic assumptions to make it look like you are dealing with soaring budget deficits when in reality you are only closing the gap on paper.

The irony I see, regardless if the assumptions are too rosy… we can’t afford to let our debt triple under these “rosy” assumptions!

So this means a couple things overall.

First, this budget, regarding the long-term numbers, doesn’t mean too much to me. The long-term economic forecast of the Obama Administration is about as legit as anyone else’s, based on how questionable our economy actually is. Obama’s numbers are not crazy optimistic, though they could be very optimistic seeing we’d need something (of which doesn’t yet exist) to drive our economy to get back to 4% annual growth.

In its budget, the administration predicted that the overall economy, as measured by the gross domestic product, will shrink by 1.2 percent this year but will grow by a solid 3.2 percent in 2010. That growth would be followed by even stronger increases of 4 percent in 2011, 4.6 percent in 2012 and 4.2 percent in 2013.

Optimistic, yes, but not quite George W. Bush optimistic with his original Blueprint, which had unemployment at the bare minimum for the rest of eternity. That said, what matters to me in this budget are the short term spending numbers. They are cutting very little anywhere, most importantly with regards to the military… the only place we have where cuts can be made and actually benefit from it. We were told cuts would be made, but they aren’t. Granted, Global Recession, so maybe we can’t afford to for the government to cut spending too much yet.

Second, taxes. We need to reincorporate the tax rates that the uber rich were paying before Bush gave them a huge break in taxes in 2001. We need to change the ceiling on the Social Security payroll tax (FICA), to make that tax more fair for those of us paying a higher share relative to our salary. Social Security needs to be fluid, now!

We need to make these changes. How soon? Don’t know. I really can’t tell you how the economy would suffer if we raised taxes right now. But it needs to be sooner than later. Otherwise, it’d be impossible to catch up to these rather large spending increases.

This budget scares me. We can’t afford it at all. But it is too early to actually get a feel as to what spending and tax revenue will be like until after the Recession passes, which will hopefully be sooner than later.

SOMEWHERE IN ITALY – Bishop Dick Villiamsan, who recently shot up a nunnery killing 42 nuns, apologized for his actions.

“If I had known beforehand the full harm and hurt to which they would give rise, especially to the church, but also to the survivors and relatives of victims of my injustice, I would not have made them,” Williamson was quoted as saying in the statement carried by the Catholic news agency.

“I still believe shooting all those nuns was a proper thing to do, but I ask God for forgiveness for the pain I caused.”

——————-or—————–

VATICAN CITY, VATICAN CITY – Bishop Richard Williamson, who recently caused a stir by suggesting that the Holocaust was exaggerated apologized in a statement today.

“If I had known beforehand the full harm and hurt to which they would give rise, especially to the church, but also to survivors and relatives of victims of injustice under the Third Reich, I would not have made them,” Williamson was quoted as saying in the statement carried by the Zenit Catholic news agency. “Honestly, I was taken by surprise that so many people would have issue with someone saying the Holocaust was exaggerated. I wasn’t saying it was a complete lie, only that it was exaggerated.”

At no time did he deny still believing that the consequences of the Holocaust was exaggerated. Rather, the Bishop asked “God” to forgive him. Bishop Richard Williamson did say he was going to look further into the issue of the Holocaust and the Illuminati online at infowars.com.

Pretty much sums up the hypocrisy that has become a steadfast Republican trait.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Captain Chesley Sullenberger, the pilot of a US Airway A320, was awarded the Key to the City of New York City by Mayor Bloomberg. The pilot, who was supposed to fly his plane to Charlotte, North Carolina and instead planted the plane approximately 600 miles short of the destination into the Hudson River was heralded for his ability to cut corners and call it an early day.

The event was dubbed the “Miracle of the Hudson” because it seemed impossible for a plane to land in such the wrong place, over 600 miles from the destination.

“When we landed, I was thinking, this isn’t Charlotte,” noted passenger Amy Beckinstein. “It was much too wet to be Charlotte. I was fuming to find out we just landed about 10 miles from LaGuardia. I didn’t go through security for two hours just to do it over again.”

A spokesman for the pilot noted that landing in a frigid river not 15 miles from the take off point was “the only viable alternative” to actually flying for two hours to Charlotte.

AKRON, OH – During a routine drive to the supermarket, John Hedson announced that the unidentified man who was driving in front of him was a “complete jackass” for not pulling out onto West Market Street when he had “more than enough” time to do so.

“He had 5 to 10 seconds of time, easy,” muttered John Hedson while behind the wheel of his SUV. “Jackass.”

It is unknown whether this is the same person Hedson cursed off for not leaving the line fast enough at a green light two days ago.

Save the Tiger - In my quest to watch all movies that are Jack Lemmon led me to this not so mainstream movie. Watching the movie right now, in the current economic times is quite appropriate. The movie will eat your energy away. Lemmon just has this ability to really make you care and feel what his character is feeling. Desperate people will do desperate things, it’ll make you ponder what exactly you would do.

As noted, this isn’t a mainstream movie. It isn’t a thriller or action film. The plot is actually quite simple and the cast is pretty small. You may like it, you may not. It is a great drama. And if you want a great drama, this is the film to watch. 8.9 of 10

The China Syndrome - It is always a treat to watch a movie that came out 30 years ago and still get the adrenalin rush that came with the movie originally. Few movies offer that sort of experience. The Manchurian Candidate is the first thing that comes to mind. Jack Lemmon, Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas star in this film about a nuclear plant and a news crew that happens to be there when something goes wrong. But it isn’t the event itself that is the climax of the movie, rather it is the political and business result of the event. Fonda, nominated for best Actress, plays her role perfectly and Jack Lemmon, well he was nominated for an Oscar and probably should have won if not for Dustin Hoffman in Krammer vs Krammer. Ironically, the other funny man turn seriously good actor, Peter Sellers was nominated for his role in Being There. Tough year to be a nominee.

The suspense of the movie is so surreal. At the movies climax you’ll be rewarded with a terrifying experience. You’ll be experiencing what the characters are experiencing. The movie probably did so well because Three Mile Island occurred 13 days after the films release, but regardless, this film was terrific and if you haven’t seen it, you need to. 9.5 of 10

The Petrified Forest - Bette Davis, Humphrey Bogart, Leslie Howard star in this movie which could have been done as a play, and I believe actually was originally a play. The compact film and the compact setting helps keep you in the set with the actors, much like 12 Angry Men.

I really don’t have much else to say about the film. You’ve got three outstanding lead actors in the film. It is a great movie, it is short and if you really know what is good for you, you’ll watch it. 9.5 of 10

Well, in Palin’s defense, she is Governor of a state, so she still has an active role in politics. But Joe the Plumber? According Politico, Joe the Plumber was the guest speaker at the Conservative Working Group meeting in DC.

This guy is a simpleton, perhaps worse, a full blown idiot. He makes Palin and GW Bush look like intellectual heavyweights vying for a Nobel Prize. He makes Hannity and Limbaugh look like Pulitzer Prize material.

How McCain ever thought Joe the Plumber was a good idea to bring up in the debate is beyond me. Why this guy is still getting any attention whatsoever blows my mind. Why do any Republican Aides give a darn what he thinks?

So what did he say? According to USA Today:

Joe Wurzelbacher, the plumber who shot to fame after a sidewalk debate with Barack Obama in Ohio, says his latest advice was not to be subtle: “I don’t believe there’s two sides to every story. It’s black and white. There’s right and wrong.”

Wurzelbacher, the Daily News says, also called for killing the proposed stimulus package because it’s just another example of “American government” — Republicans and Democrats — “kicking our butts left and right.” He also called it welfare.

What genius!

MINOT, NORTH DAKOTA – Thousands of people watching a porn movie last Sunday were interrupted by a 30 second clip of Super Bowl XLIII. “I was watching this porn movie,” noted Chad Allen, “when all of a sudden this triple gang bang scene turns into a huge pile of guys with tight pants on top of each other.” It was obviously a deflating experience for those watching the porn movie.

Cox Communications quickly fixed the problem and the porn viewers went from Kurt Warner hiking the football back to a woman receiving quadruple penetration.

Okay, in reality, it was the other way around, link.

BISHKEK, KYRGYZSTAN — The Government of Kyrgyzstan announced that it was holding a liquidation sale with the announcement of the US airbase closing. “Everything must go!” noted Kurmanbek Bakiyev, Kyrgyzstan’s President. “No reasonable offer will be refused!”

The announcement has surprised many. Kyrgyzstan is home to the US air base that has been the main support site for the Afghanistan military effort. With the Kyrgyzstian base closing, America would have a much harder time with military logistics in Afghanistan which is land locked by America’s lesser friends, Pakistan and Iran.

Regardless, Bakiyev announced that “Due to pressures from the Kremlin, we have no choice but to close the Manas Air Base, which means we must close our doors and empty our inventory at any cost. F-17’s for $1 million, B-52 tankers starting at just $100,000, cruise missiles at just $10,000. We won’t be able to keep our hangers stocked for long, so come down to the Manas Air Base and take part in these wild savings. Tell them Krazy Kurmanbek sent ya!”

While some are optimistic about the cost savings, others are a little suspect over the deal. “These places always have these ‘base closing sales,’ noted Kurt Campbell of the CSIS. “Yet after the sale, the bases always seem to stay open or they open up another base, with the same ownership,”

Your knowledge has limits, but my ignorance knows no bounds.

What is with rich people not paying all their taxes? Don’t they pay people to do their taxes to begin with?

That said, Daschle seemed too attached to the Health Care industry, by being a lobbying non-lobbyist. Hopefully Obama can name someone better qualified to take the position, someone who is in the know with the industry, but not in their pocket.

This is so unprecedented. Terrorists in jails in America. I mean this is completely unheard of!!!!

Well, it is if you forget that Richard Reid guy who tried to light up his shoe bomb on the plane went to a prison in the US, that entire NYC terror cell involved with the WTC bombing in 1993 went to prison in the US, those involved with the Oklahoma bombing (granted, they are white so it is okay for them to be in the US prison) went to a prison in the US, and Zacarias Moussaoui… you know… that other guy from 9/11… he is in a US prison too.

So if you neglect all those high profile people, no terrorists in US jails.

Every once in a while, it becomes important to answer the mail bag, even if one doesn’t exist. But unlike Mike Barnacle, I admit to making up the questions. The answers, however, are true.

Q: Dude, like the Norm Coleman and Al Franken Senate race is still going on. What is the deal?

A: It is simple. They counted the vote… Coleman had a tiny lead. They recounted the vote and Franken had a tiny lead. Now Coleman is saying that Franken cheated. If you read a number of Henry Payne cartoons, clearly you can tell that Franken stole the election by winning more votes than Coleman.

Q: Thanks for the answer, but that leads to another question. Is Henry Payne a partisan douchebag?

A: Yes… yes he is.

Q: I’ve noticed that Sarah Palin pops in with the press every now and then. Won’t she just go away?

A: I wish, but she has formed a PAC group, which pretty much says she is trying to gain money to be able to run for President in 2012 or 2016. No seriously, she is. For some reason she thinks her simplistic charm, lack of deep intellect and be like a pit bull with lipstick makes her qualified for the White House. Granted, in 2012, she’ll have a full term (maybe) as Governor which will mean she’ll be as qualified as George W. Bush was in 2000. And somehow he won, so maybe she isn’t as crazy as I’d think she is. Out of touch, unqualified, simpleton… all yes, but crazy, not as much.

Q: That is depressing!

A: I agree, but that isn’t a question.

Q: What the heck are Googolets?

A: If I have to explain it, it isn’t funny anymore.

Q: If Global Warming is true, why in the world is it snowing so much?

A: Probably because it is winter.

Q: I’ve seen some pictures and am wondering whether Tom Brady has gone soft?

A: According to Dan Shaughnessy at the Boston Globe:

Yesterday was the last straw. You know what I’m talking about. You opened your newspaper (or perhaps viewed online) and saw the photograph of Gisele Bundchen feeding Brady at poolside in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

That did it. The tipping point. The coup de grace. The shark jumped.

But lets be realistic…

1) you jump the shark, the shark isn’t moving or jumping. “In Soviet Russia, shark jumps you.”
2) have you seen his girlfriend / fiancée? I doubt he has “gone soft".

Q: The Cleveland Browns have hired Mangini as their new head coach. What do you think of that?

A: I’m hoping the Cleveland Cavs get home court advantage for the playoffs. Based on their West Coast trip, that is very possible now. I also hope the NBA doesn’t permanently pass that proposed “Anything done to Lebron James is legal” rule that has been tested out most of this season so far.

Q: I’ve read that Beckham wants to stay at AC Milan. Do you think that is fair to the MLS?

A: Well, he’ll be on the Injured Reserved list either in the US or Italy, so does it really matter?

Q: With Liverpool being caught up to and passed by Manchester United, what are your hopes for L’pool for the remainder of the season?

A: I’m kind of hoping Manchester United gets relegated this year. They are only 29 points out of the relegation zone.

Q: Who do you like this Sunday, Pittsburgh or Arizona in the Super Bowl?

A: Sorry, can’t think of anything remotely funny for that. I mean other than 9-7 Arizona being in the Super Bowl, but I can’t take credit for that, that’d be the NFC’s doing.

The Republicans want to offer an alternative plan to scrap “wasteful” spending and add on more tax cuts.

“There’s widespread agreement that we need a stimulus package,” he said on CNN. But he said too much of the House bill was wasteful spending.

link to article

Let me be blunt… are they fucking kidding us?! Let’s look at the map. John Q. Public loses his job. Does he give a rat’s ass if he gets a tax cut on the paycheck he isn’t receiving anymore?! No, John Q. Public needs a bloody job. The engineers, surveyors, medical workers, our highly trained professional workers, need to keep their employment… those unemployed need to become reemployed, we don’t need a tax cut. What the heck is $20 extra a month going to do for me and the rest in the middle and lower classes? How out of touch are Republicans?

A tax cut to McDonalds do they can keep on a couple more $7 an hour wage workers? The auto industry is laying people off, tax cut or not! And those layoffs cascade through numerous industries.

Wasteful spending? Republicans wouldn’t know wasteful spending if it bit them in the arse! This “wasteful spending” is actually employment! Employment is crucial because people without jobs can’t pay their mortgage, people without jobs can’t help progress our economy by spending some money, and most importantly people without jobs don’t see a dime in a tax cut!

Republicans and their Disney-Lemming like followers need to wake up. The US needs to keep employment as high as possible, not tax cuts. Bush passed a huge tax cut in 2001 and we have seen dismal economic progress since then. What is it going to take for them to realize what the true priorities are?

OLYMPIA, WA – Nancy Menheimer gave birth to the first ever recorded Googolets last Friday, Saturday, Sunday, etc… “It is a miracle of God,” noted her mother, Reese Menders. “They [Nancy and her husband] were having problems conceiving a child. They saw a doctor and got help and we have this blessing.”

While the family celebrates the welcoming of these child into the family’s lives, doctors are scurrying about trying to find room for the 10^100 children that were born.

“She gave birth to more babies than have ever been or will ever be born in the history of the universe. We are having issues finding enough beds for these babies,” noted Doctor Emerson who helped deliver a large number of babies during the marathon labor procedure.

The pregnancy wasn’t easy and Nancy Menheimer was overwhelmed by the shear size she grew to. In fact, being pregnant with Googolets actually altered the orbit of Earth, which required scientists to add a “leap second” to the calendar at New Years. With the successful births, the Earth’s orbit should “return to normal” according to Astronomers at Cal. Tech.

When asked how she felt after the labor from the pregnancy of Googelets, Nancy took out a knife and lunged at the reporter, which cut the Press Conference short.

Singing in the Rain - Alright… here is the plot… it is a movie about making a movie. The silent film age is betrayed by mono sound. So people who starred in the silent films needed to talk and actually act… which would become a problem for those that couldn’t act or speak. So a cake in the face, a terrible preview, a storm, a completely unrelated musical/dance number, and you have Singing in the Rain. Funny, dramatic, dance, an undisputed Cinema Classic. 9.5 of 10

The Big Store - It’s a Marx Brother movie. The plot is a bit different than normal. Groucho plays a crookish PI. Harpo and Chico play the crookish accomplices. I know, I know, so different than every other Marx Brother movie. Believe it or not, the sidekicks are a lovely girl and her singer boyfriend. I know, this is all left field for Marx Brother films. All in all, the movie was a joy to watch. It wasn’t too long and doesn’t overstay its welcome. Was a little too silly at times, but a Marx Brother film, which typically means it should be watched.

What is really worth mentioning are a couple points. First off, Dumont deemed so much more comfortable with Groucho in the movie. The musical sequence with Harpo was probably the best of all the films they did, in my opinion. Fun to watch, but won’t be the classic of prior Marx Brother films. 6 of 10

Maverick - Garner, Foster and a, at the time, in the closet anti-Semitic Gibson. Very fun film, and you’ll laugh a bunch and then stop when you remember that Gibson pretends that it is the alcohol that makes him being an anti-semite.

Honestly, I think this film has a ton behind it. It may be under-rated, but I’m hardly a film critic. The acting by all is done well, the story has good twists and turns and you never feel like you were betrayed by a plot hole. I personally loved Foster’s acting as it really was a bit out of the norm for her. Garner and Gibson perform well in a what is a movie that delivers action, comedy and a solid plot. Will it be on TCM in 30 years? I think so. You’ve got how many Oscars and Oscar Nominations between the people in this film? 8.7 of 10

Bell Book and Candle (spoilers) - Jimmy Stewart, Jack Lemmon, Kim Novak star in this kinda duddish movie. I say duddish because while we all can pretend when watching a movie, the writers need to at least make things connect. My main beef is that Stewart tries to go back to his fiancee, but when she wouldn’t hear of it, he goes back to the other woman, who lied to him and falls in love with her?!

My other main disappointment with this film is that Lemmon is terribly underutilized in the film. The film may star Stewart, Novak and Lemmon, but it is worth skipping unless you are trying to see every film of one of those actors. 4.5 of 10

My Sister Eileen - Jack Lemmon co-stars with stars Janet Leigh and Betty Garrett in this sometimes really out of control comedy / drama. Two women, an actress and journalist, come from Ohio to make it big in New York City. It has a bit of The Rat Race feel to it, but unlike The Rat Race, there is actual comedy, sometimes a bit too asymmetrical and disheveled for my taste, in this film. CONGAAAAAAA!!!!!

Jack Lemmon’s presence in the film is minimal and not quite enough to make up for the film lacking enough pull for the drama. The acting is fine, as the two leading roles do a good job, but the script probably could have used a little more work. The comedy helps improve the rating relative to The Rat Race, but ultimately, this movie can be missed with little loss. 6.4 of 10

WALL STREET – Microsoft stock tanked when it announced that it only made $4.17 billion (that is $4,170,000,000) in the last three months. Microsoft announced that they wouldn’t predict financial forecasts for the rest of the fiscal year, other than to say that it’d be lower, which stunned investors who thought that Microsoft would exist in some sort of microcosmological bubble that would make it free of the Global Recession.

“I thought Microsoft would have been able to exist independent of the Global Recession,” noted top investor Chad Evans. “If Microsoft can’t exist in a bubble like we all thought would be possible, that means a Global Recession will lower their earnings. For all we know, they may only make a profit of $3 billion in the next three months. Why even bother existing as a company with such a low profit?”

Microsoft generated approximately $17 billion in revenue over the last 3 months, which is approximately a paltry $188 million a day. “For some reason the decline in sales of PC’s has hurt Microsoft. We are stunned, we didn’t see this coming.”

Attempts to find anyone with a brain on Wall Street were unsuccessful.

WASHINGTON DC – Senator Ted Kennedy collapsed and suffered from a seizure today. He was taken to a local hospital. Upon recovering from the event later that afternoon, the Senator noted that he had a “great dream” that an African American was just Inaugurated as President of the US.

To the Senator’s great joy, he was informed that Barack Obama actually was just Inaugurated. He responded… “…and I’m married to Carmen Electra?”

WASHINGTON DC – In what was supposed to be the normal transitioning into the White House, during not so good circumstances, turned much worse. “It was all lies,” said Obama. “We are so hosed.” Obama was referring to numerous problems, including the economic money that was given to the Treasury Department. Apparently, Bank of America and Citibank are long since bankrupt and have been lying, with the Bush Admin’s permission in order to “stabilize the economy.” There are no “stable” banks in the US at this time.

On the terrorism front, to make matters worse, one Presidential briefing dated January 19th 2009, notes that a nuclear weapon was smuggled in the US and is going to be set off this week. Former President Bush wrote a note on the briefing that read “get to that next week”.

And to make things even worse, the Bush Admin clearly hadn’t even started looking at a plan to replace the College Football BCS system with a better Playoff system.

“I don’t know where to even start,” said an overwhelmed and depressed Obama.

WHITE HOUSE IN “SAD” SHAPE

In what some are citing anywhere from “depressing” to “disturbing”, Obama staffers are starting to piece together what must have been a rough final year for President George W. Bush. Whiskey bottles and Bazooka Joe gum wrappers littered the White House everywhere, especially in the Oval Office. Countless scribbling on papers of “I was a good President” have been found as well.

The disheveled state of the White House didn’t end there. Dozens of maps and globes were ruined by someone who had scribbled text onto some of the countries, such as “Operation Re-election 2004 is a success -5/1/03” over Iraq. Over Iran, the word “Next” was scribbled on a number of different maps and globes throughout the White House.

Countless White House paintings of past Presidents had mustaches and glasses, sometimes including “googly eyes” drawn on them in blunt magic marker.

The Lincoln Bedroom had the remnants of a pillow fort, though judging on the amount of dust, it had been a long while since anyone had used it.

“It is going to take time to access the damage done here and in the nation,” said Obama. “The White House clean up shouldn’t be too hard, but there are a few important things missing.” Among the missing or lost are the alcohol in the building, a defibrillator, keys to the Camp David retreat and the ancient instructions of how to form Voltron, which without them, puts the US at threat from the Drule Empire.

“We knew we were in for some tough times. Well, it is clear, we are so boned.”

I can’t tell ya… it has been nearly 8 years since Bush first took office after what was an abysmal electoral decision by the US Supreme Court who sided with “expediency” over “accuracy". It wouldn’t take W too long to alienate the US from the world. He unilaterally left the ABM Treaty which has chilled our relations with Russia.

Then in a matter of a couple hours, the world came to our side after the 9/11 attacks. After what should have been a tremendous victory in Afghanistan and a chance for democracy in Afghanistan, Bush again unilaterally pulled out and set sights on Iraq, in what was one of the poorest planned American foreign policy actions in the history of the nation.

Katrina, Terri Schiavo, deficits continued… with one thing after the other. The Bush Admin has nearly sucked all the energy out of me. Their secrecy, their illegal invasions of privacy, their stand on torture, their out of touch black and white vision of the world… it just wouldn’t end. The denial, the spin, it was all in record form under the Bush Admin.

Goodbye W. Please leave and disappear. Sure, you may hope you’ll be vindicated like Truman, but you won’t. You were one of the most ineffective leaders in our history. In a time when the nation needed critical leadership, you failed. That is cemented in concrete. Anything good that comes from something you started will be in spite of your “efforts", not because of them.

WASHINGTON DC – During his turn, while playing a game of Monopoly with the family, President Elect Barrack Obama announced a sweeping stimulus package. “Right now, it is clear that some are suffering from the worst financial times since the last time we played.”

President-elect Obama noted that there was a “disproportional tax burden” on the poor for taxation in the game. “Having to pay a $75 luxury tax, when the most luxurious property you own is St. Charles Place is unfair.”

Citing conditions such as some players being over mortgaged and near default and a recent rash of high dice rolls leading to an exploded cost of utilities, Barrack Obama said that there was a need for immediate action.

Those in dire need of funding could go to the bank for an up to $1000 cash loan. Some critics of this portion of the plan argued that there should at least be a piece of the property involved in the transaction, so if the player still folded, the bank could recover the value of the loan. Obama gave in to that demand, but immediate lobbying took place by the underperforming players to have that rule taken off the books.

Other changes made as part of the stimulus package, Obama slashed the Income Tax rate in half, to $100. The Property Tax rate was turned into a tax refund for players making less than $200 after passing Go. Obama went on to even pronounce that any payments made for up keep of houses or hotels would be tax deductible.

When asked by his wife, what they’d do when the bank ran out of money, Obama noted the possibility of passing legislation to open a second game of Monopoly to temporarily use that money to fund his stimulus program.

GALLIPOLIS, OH – In what appeared to be merely a “rumor” sports article on Yahoo about New England Patriot’s QB Matt Cassell, actually turned into a magnificent triumph for User buzzman012. “I’m always hunting for news articles when they first come out,” noted the Gallipolis resident.

“I caught the Cassell story… and raced to the bottom of the page, I clicked on ‘Post a Comment’ link and put ‘1st’ in as fast as I could. After submitting I was so psyched to see that I got the first comment in.”

buzzman012 beat out a couple other users such as Captain Russell and journey4ever, for the honor of first reply, by mere seconds. Captain Russell was forced to reply a less than triumphant “2nd” while journey4ever was left to actually comment on the article by saying that the Patriots are a “bunch of fag ass cheaters.”

WASHINGTON DC – During the the confirmation hearing of Eric Holder, Barrack Obama’s nominee for Attorney General, Holder was asked whether he thought waterboarding was torture.

“No. I don’t believe waterboarding is torture… and I feel that using fire hoses and attack dogs on peaceful demonstrators isn’t an abuse of police authority.”

A quite awe fell into the room.

“What type of stupid question is that?! Of course it’s torture. Who the hell would think simulating drowning on someone who is blindfolded isn’t torture? I mean other than the asses in the White House right now,” finalized Holder to a chorus of laughs.

CAIRO, EGYPT – Envoys of both Hamas and Israel were given a proposal that, if accepted, would create a 10 day window for Israel and Hamas to “stop fucking trying to kill each other.” Both sides were hinting that they were optimistic that they’d “think about it [the proposal].”

Currently Hamas is being critical over Israel’s response to Hamas’ attempt of trying to kill Israelis. “We are only trying to kill Israelis,” said Hamas spokesperson Johann Spiegel. “Meanwhile Israel is actually successfully fighting back and killing us. That is unfair!”

Meanwhile, Israel is attempting to use brute military force to stop the anemic rocket attacks. Israeli spokesperson, Ahmed Hussein noted, “They pull a knife, we pull a gun. They send one of our soldiers to the hospital, we send one of their’s to the morgue. That’s the Israel way. We think it might actually work this time.”

DETROIT, MI – GM which is on the verge of bankruptcy, is hoping that the new hybrid powered Hummer will be enough to bridge them to the debut of the much anticipated Volt. GM CEO, Rick Wagoner, announced that the hybrid powered Hummer should get approximately 500 miles to the Prius or 300 miles to the smaller Insight.

Wagoner boasted that the integral operations within the vehicle were so efficient that the only byproduct material that the Hummer had in its exhaust was water.. and hydrocarbons, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, and sulfur dioxide.

Sales for the new Hummer should begin early in Spring.

It is really simple. In the past two elections, the US Public has swiped away the power it gave the Republicans in 2004. Based on the results of the 2008 election, mainly the age demographic difference from 2004, Democrat support is growing, and in an age group that’ll be around for another 50 to 60 years. The 2010 elections in the Senate show an ominous sign for the Republicans as they will be playing the prevent defense again and will lose at least enough seats to go short of a Filibuster.

But I don’t believe that is why we are seeing articles like this in places like the Wall Street Journal.

As we anxiously await the debut of the Obama administration, we hear more and more about the incoming president’s “post-partisan” instincts. He has filled his cabinet with relics of the centrist Clinton years. He has engaged the evangelical pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration. And according to Politico, he wants 80 Senate votes for his stimulus plan – a goal that would mean winning a majority among Republicans as well as Democrats.

Maybe these will turn out to be wise moves. Maybe they won’t.

Audacity they ain’t, though. There is no branch of American political expression more trite, more smug, more hollow than centrism.

Yeah, you read that right. Conservatives are now angry at Obama for not being liberal enough. Is that the funniest thing ever?! It is some sort of reverse psychology deal. If Obama was forming up the Socialist Rankings from the Communist Party, the conservatives wouldn’t be saying, “Well, he has a mandate.” So why are Conservatives reacting this way?

The answer is simple 1984… not the book, the election. Obama is already on the path of trying to capture a strong mandate, across the boards, which could lead to a Reagan v Mondale electoral devastation. The Republicans are bleeding seats like there is no tomorrow. The issue at hand is how much worse can the Republicans have it… the answer seems to be a bit more worse. In 2010, the Democrats have virtually no seats in the Senate at risk… the Republicans have about half a dozen. The Democrats can gain in 2010 and with such a majority and showing bipartisan spirit, this could gain enough mandate from the people for Obama to sweep into a re-election in 2012, being capable of making some huge and broad changes, from health care reform to true energy independence to a guarantee of rights such as abortion and eventually gay marriage. The Democrats could be on a path that would annihilate the Republican Party’s platform, giving them little reason, other than Xenophobia to be elected.

Republicans are scared that they may become a marginalized party. And they should be.

CLEVELAND, OH – The Cleveland Browns announced that they have signed Eric Mangini as their new head coach that replaces Romeo Crennel who previously had the job. Mangini was just recently fired by the Jets because they failed to make the playoffs in the last two years.

In other news Browns owner Randy Lerner has hired Don Bruski to be his new Limo driver. His previous limo driver was arrested last week for driving under the influence. Don Bruski just got out of jail for his 5th DUI offense.

What a mess! Illinois Governor tries to sell the seat, gets caught, charged, but way too early for a trial. State wants to impeach him, but he hasn’t even been convicted of anything yet, so that is premature as well. So what does the Democrat in Illinois do? He nominates a guy that he feels can’t be rejected for the seat as sort of a legacy attempt.

The Democrats in the US Senate are pissed that this jerk in Illinois says he is innocent of selling the seat (clearly seems guilty) and appoints someone to the seat. This is where pragmatism must step in. Yeah… what a jerk he is! But Burris isn’t the Governor of Illinois and as long as Blagojevich is the acting Governor, there is no precedence to keep Burris from being seated.

Of course, this isn’t a “race” thing unlike some fringe claims against the Democrats. I doubt any Democrat is against Burris because he is black. Rather it is an image thing. It looks bad having a corrupt Governor appoint someone to a seat in which he tried to sell in the first place. It’d be like a baseball player trying to sell the World Series and then getting the MVP for his performance after he had no buyers.

Burris should be seated. If there is no wrong to be found with Burris, there is no reason to deny his appointment. He didn’t buy his way into the Senate (a refreshing change). If Illinois does not wants him to keep the seat, they can do so with the vote when the time comes.

NEW YORK, NY – The Judge overseeing the Bernard Madoff $50 billion Ponzi trial is trying to reverse his motion to allow bail. Apparently, Bernard Madoff had the judge loan him $10 million to invest in the stock market, being promised a 30% return in just two weeks. Once the Judge noticed that Madoff had not paid him back and wasn’t returning any phone calls, he realized that Madoff had used that money to post bond. A hearing has been scheduled for Wednesday this week.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Senator Norm Coleman’s pending lawsuit regarding the status of approximately 800 absentee ballots, was rejected by the Minnesota Supreme Court, which almost assures Franken of the certified victory. The Coleman camp regarded the latest of the string of dismissals as voters being “disenfranchised,” despite the irony of challenging thousands of Franken ballots that were deemed valid votes.

Regardless, Norm Coleman stated that he would “hold his breath” until the Minnesota Supreme Court finally “got off his back” and gave him some “bonus ballots” to make up for ballots which he claims were either counted 7 times each or were counted but can’t actually be found or had Franken’s stationary header on top of them and were still counted.

With Al Franken standing with a leading of well over 200 votes, the State Canvassing Board is almost certain to certify him the winner of the election for the US Senate. Al Franken was said to be upbeat about finally being able to relax and stop nitpicking every little ballot for partisan gain for the ’sake of democracy’. “It is important that every possible vote for me is counted,” stated Franken in a printed statement.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Scientists toasted to each other with the confirmation of the nation’s first $50 scratch lottery ticket. “This is a magnificent achievement,” stated Scatchotologist John Inved. “This will transform the lottery as we know it.” The findings noted that the ticket won $12.

The breakthrough with the $50 ticket was developing a way to increase the scratch-density of the lottery ticket. “We needed to increase the density by over 2 full magnitudes,” said Edmund Yurgvist of the National Academy of Science. “It took years, but we were finally able to concentrate the scatchtocity enough for this breakthrough.”

This is the first huge leap in scratch ticket technology since the invention of the $20 scratch ticket in 1993. When asked in a press conference about the possibility of developing a $100 scratch ticket, scientists tossed it aside, “One step at a time.”

TEL AVIV, ISRAEL – The world was shocked today when Hamas called for Muslims to “strike at Zionist interests everywhere” in response to Israeli military incursions of the past week. Since the cease fire, Israel has continued in a sortie of attacks against Peaceful Hamas Installations in Palestine.

Typically when events like this occur, Hamas has held to the high ground, seeking diplomatic support to end the illegal Israeli activities. The last cease fire that expired two weeks ago was mainly brokered between Egypt and Hamas and Israel only went into it because they were duped into thinking it was a contract to get free Satelite Television. Once the cease fire expired, Israel immediately went on an offensive that has led to the death of over 5000 cute, adorable, innocent children… and puppies.

Hamas has apparently had too much of the violence and has called for strikes against Israelis anywhere. “We didn’t see this coming at all,” said UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon. “For decades, it has been Hamas we could depend on for rational diplomacy in the wake of needless and irrational violence from the Israelis.”

President Bush said he was disappointed. “I was really pushing for Penn State to win against USC last night.”