The Political Party (80's, early 90's)

30 years ago, they were a cute party with little Congressional power.  They wanted "smaller" Government.

The Cankerous Party (The Clinton Years)

Then after President George HW Bush lost re-election, they turned into a cankerous party.  Having won a wave in '94, they became a party that attacked the Democrat President, investing tens of millions into an investigation that found nothing.  They would impeach the President because lying about having sex.   Gingrich led to shutting down Congress just to screw with the Democrat President.  When Clinton attacked camps in Afghanistan (where some bin Laden guy was camping out), he was accused of "wagging the dog", a term stolen from a movie most people didn't see.

The Limbaugh Party (The W Years)

The Republican became much more partisan.  Even more importantly, the attitudes of those in Congress adjusted.  During the Cankerous Party years, the politicians at least sounded like politicians.  Come 2003 and 2004 in the short time the Democrats would keep the Republicans from having complete power, the Republicans would begin sounding like Limbaugh.  They becme very spin heavy.

Dennis Hassert would actually complain on NPR about how the Democrats blocked more judge nominees under W than any President ever.   The number of blocked nominees was actually substantially (ridiculously) lower than those outrightly blocked under Clinton via a "pink slip veto" (a secret method of veto'ing a nominee by a Senator from the same state as the nominee).

They also became the party against dissent.  Ari Flescher infamously made the "watch what he says" comment towards Bill Maher, who himself had said a "coward" couldn't fly planes into buildings and that it took courage to do something like that.  In no way was Maher condoning the 9/11 attacks.   In this period, they would suppress voting in 2000, claim liberals hated America for even questioning any proposal by Bush, or the Iraq War.  Some who spoke out against an Iraqi invasion were actually accused of being paid off by Hussein!

It should be noted, during these years the Republicans never acted to limit the power or size of Government.  In fact, the created warrantless wiretapping and appropriated massive increases in spending.

The Web Board Partisan/Troll Years

The Republicans have continued their demise as an actual functioning political party.   In early November 2008, they adopted the Wagstaff Doctrine.  Anything that Obama proposed, they'd be against it... and without any sense of irony.  For instance, when Obama liked the idea of Cap and Trade, something Republicans liked years ago... the Republicans were against it.  Obama suggested a Bob Dole like Health Care reform bill... the Republicans said Bob Dole was just bluffing.  Obama wants to extend tax cuts... the Republicans don't want to.

The Republicans in Congress, e.g. Boehner or Cantor, sound almost exactly like Limbaugh or Hannity.   Boeher said the Democrats were playing politics with tax cuts, by trying to extend them in a tough economy.  Meanwhile the Republicans nearly drove the US off a cliff with a US Default.  The Republicans have attacked Obama for massive spending hikes that he was never responsible for, against his intervention in Libya (claiming him a war monger, while bitching he didn't support the Iranian protests?!),  claimed Obama was trying to create "death panels" in the health care reform bill, etc..

Now during the primaries, Santorum is claiming that Obama isn't leading via the Bible.  Seriously, this is web board troll crap.  It has gotten so bad, I want to put the Republican Party on Ignore.

Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain were gaffe machines and for a while, Americans found it funny.  However, there is a negative trend occuring with the primary and many Americans are now finding the race between Romney, Gingrich, and Santorum terribly "unfunny" and bordering on depressing.

Responders were asked on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being Ishtar and 5 being Spaceballs, how funny do you find the primary now.   Over 35% of Americans said they found the Republican primary less funny than Ishtar now and 21% made references to Schindler's List.

The solution?  Well, there may be many, but what helped me was simply closing the properties window.  Yeah... really simple thing to do, though I know it is a helpful thing to have open.  But when I had the properties window open, every time I selected an item(s), the computer would lag for a second or two.  When I closed the properties window, the lag disappeared.

Newt Gingrich

Gingrich is running on a anti-DC establishment platform that believes poverty can be eliminated by telling blacks that they get paychecks if they have a job (modeled much like Reagan's "Just say no to drugs" campaign squashed drug use in America). Gingrich's message resonates among the base in the South because many of them don't like black people. Also, they don't like DC politics... which is why they are supporting the former Speaker of the House and the guy that was paid hundreds of thousands to consult with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac about who to talk to in Congress to get the stuff they want, during the run up to the housing bubble burst. He gained lots of points for pointing out that Romney is out of touch with the common man because he is rich... which Gingrich also happens to be. Linguistic Experts at John Hopkins University reported yesterday that it is impossible to tell if Gingrich is using sarcasm and announced that Poe's Law will be renamed Gingrich's Law.

Rick Santorum

Santorum is running as God's candidate. His platform is one of strict adherence to the biblical law, or at least the parts he has underlined in his bible that he thinks matters most. While God has not yet endorsed a candidate, if he did, Santorum would likely be the one... assuming Yahweh is God.

Mitt Romney

Romney is running on a platform that he is a successful business man and therefore will know how to run a country. He has been silently dogged by being a Mormon, and the Governor of Massachusetts. Much like Gingrich, Romney will take whatever position is necessary in order to be elected. He was pro-choice in Massachusetts, now he is pro-birth. What may dog him the most is that he thought all people in Massachusetts should have health care. The Republican base hates such an idea that all people can be as free of pain and illness as possible.

Ron Paul

Paul is still in the race, in the sense that he hasn't quit. Paul has a bunch of great ideas, most of which aren't that great. Worst off, he is anti-big military (one of his actually good ideas), but he might as well have sex with the sister/wives of each guy in the South, as not being pro-military means you hate Baby Jesus. Paul was seeing his polling increasing, but in the end it stopped because his message just doesn't sound good to the Republican base. However, Paul supporters are still strongly behind him, certain of his eventual nomination via passive aggressive postings on web boards.

Review

With the resurgence of Gingrich, again, the story of who wins is in a bit of doubt. If Gingrich can win South Carolina, he can continue to tell people whatever they want to hear, which will lead to potential leads in the Super Tuesday primaries. Of course, plenty of time between now and then, so it is clearly too early to tell, not because we don't know who the best candidate is, but because the Republican Base is so mentally challenged, they have become as predictable as quantum foam. I'm still waiting for Romney to use the following on Gingrich in a personal attack in a debate, after Gingrich is yammering about the sanctity of marriage. "You know Newt, based on your record as a husband, I'm surprised you didn't want to be a Mormon."

Knowing his brand of whacky conservative moral values isn't prized in New Hampshire, Santorum is skipping the state in order to try and win the hearts, minds, and any other part of the body he feels the Government has the right to control. Don't expect much out of Santorum in New Hampshire.

Mitt Romney - The Winning Candidate

Romney made a fortune by being a real life Gordon Gekko. He promises to help save the American economy by using his skills acquired by being a business man who made millions by destroying corporations through parasitic means. Mitt Romney is going to win the candidacy. He'll win New Hampshire and he'll win South Carolina, but pundits will say that he didn't win by enough. He did and he will continue to.

Rick Perry - The George W. Bush Candidate

The only difference between Rick Perry and George W. Bush is that Perry is actually a Texas boy. His speaking, government performance, hypocrisy however, matches W so well, some are wondering whether W is actually just wearing a disguise. Immediately after joining the race, he took the lead over Romney, being the first Supernova Candidate, and had great evangelical support. However, he opened his mouth and thinks that children shouldn't be the victims of angry White people.

His support has deflate and the biggest question remaining about Perry's support is why are they 5% still supporting him? A weak performance could very well not mean anything because Perry can't find New Hampshire on the map and has resorted to campaigning in South Carolina, a state that holds stupidity and ignorance as noble attributes.

Newt Gingrich - The Establishment Candidate

Newt Gingrich is trying to put DC straight. He's the man to take the leadership role because he knows how to solve all of these DC problems because he was in Congress when the snowball started leading America to these problems. He was the third Supernova candidate in the primary race.

Gingrich is the master salesman, working on getting anti-DC Tea Party support despite being an institution of DC and evangelical support despite being an absolute piece of immoral slime. Rumor has it, he was able to convince Barack Obama that he was actually born in Kenya. That is power!

Gingrich's one weakness, however, is that while he has great name recognition, that also comes with the baggage of people knowing he is an absolute ass. A good performance in New Hampshire is likely to follow a good performance in South Carolina, which would eventually lead to his candidacy. He won't have a good performance in New Hampshire, but that won't stop him from claiming that he had a moral victory and is on pace to take South Carolina.

Ron Paul - The Ron Paul Candidate

The alleged Libertarian candidate who believes the States should have the right to reserve civil rights among the people, not to have the Federal Government usurp that power. He is against the drug war, foreign wars, the Fed, the Patriot Act, the 14th Amendment, and about 225 years of Constitutional Law.

He has supporters more dedicated to him than The Grateful Dead. A strong performance in New Hampshire is guaranteed because his performance will be spun any way necessary by his followers because Ron Paul is great!

Many have alleged that some representatives have tried very hard over the past decade to keep their constituents from telling others. "It was terrible," noted Joann Chumley of Austin, Texas. "I voted for this Democrat and he got elected. He promised to push environmental reforms and fairer taxation, but he voted for ANWR drilling and for the extension of tax cuts for the rich." The abuse however got worse as the relationship continued.

"He told me that if I didn't vote or voted for a third party candidate, the Republican would win, and it'd be all my fault," noted Chumley with tears coming to her eyes. "It's... he's saying I'm that one that would be wrong."

Manuevers like this are normal in an abusive relationship, according to Tom Harold, a professor of psychology at The Ohio State University. "Abusers will use the classic method of turning the tables on their victim to make it seem as if the victim is the abuser." According to Professor Harold, this puts the victim on a greater edge and more likely to be submissive and not tell anyone about the abuse.

These abusive relationships also continue on as the abuser preys on the victim's optimism that the abuser can change. "This is common among the abused," noted Michelle Becker, a therapist with a local Social Services group in eastern Texas. "The abuser is always manipulative. They promise they will bring change, and things may look good in the beginning with large important speeches such as at Cairo, but then the original abusive behavior returns and he extends tax cuts for the wealthy and doesn't investigate war profiteering in Iraq."

The scope of the FBI investigation is expected to snowball as more and more victims come out and report on these abusive relationships. "Our phones are being overwhelmed," noted Ted Allison, the spokesperson for the FBI on this case. "The FBI is compiling all the information as quick as we can and will move forward with our cases as soon as logistically possible. We implore the victims to keep trying to contact us, even if the line is busy, keep trying. We need to hear from you so you can have your justice."