NEW YORK, NY -- David Stern announced somberly today that the NBA had accidentally and irreversibly cancelled Christmas this year. "We were making calls, having conferences in order to cancel games and events through December," noted the NBA commissioner. "Unfortunately it has come to our attention that somehow within these events, we cancelled Christmas. We apologize sincerely to everyone."

Stock Exchanges across the globe fell 3% on the news, as Christmas is typically the busiest time of the year for retail stores, with some stores relying on the end of the year sales to put the company in the black for the year. "Without the holiday sales," noted John Emerson, an economic analyst, "many companies may lose money for the year and that is being reflected now in their stock values."

Schools across the nation were also to be let out early so that children could be with their families during this trying event. The City of Philadelphia announced it would make three dozen counselors available for children to be able to help deal with this tragedy.

President Obama announced that he would ask Congress to pass a bill to reinstate Christmas, however, Republicans immediately insisted that any such bill have a condition that the EPA be eliminated.