WALL STREET -- The DOW was up about 250 points by Noon today as European Banks began engulfing hundreds of billions in bad, risky, probably going to make them bankrupt debt bonds from nations like Italy and Spain who's borrowing rates have dropped significantly since the European banks have apparently given up caring whether their major customers can actually pay up.

"Really, it doesn't matter, 3% or 6%, if the nation defaults, we don't get paid either way," noted Deutche Bank President Van Liemer.

With the recent suck up of national bonds, and the almost certain recession in European nations due to austerity cuts to manage the national debts, the DOW reacted swiftly by going up and up and up.

"We love this shit," stated John Wilson, a floor trader.  "As long as we can allow ourselves to think this will stop a recession, we'll lap it up like a cat laps up cream."

----------------------

Inspired by the truth